How Winter Encourages Deep Reflection and LIberation
Read Time: Estimated 4 minutes | Song: See Me by Emily King
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Contrary to the way dominant culture encourages us to remain busy in the winter time, first with holidays and celebrations to rush into the new calendar year with resolutions, new gym memberships and as much new as we can possibly acquire. To live intentionally, it is always great to but especially important to pause and realize if we are celebrating or purchasing things because we are “required” to be productive members of our society or do we genuinely at this moment need to make this purchase for ourselves or our family.
A few years ago, almost ten years ago, I set a hard boundary for my family from other family members and it required us to revisit how those individuals were being in relationship with us and how we were being with them. As the main one in my home ensures we continue to nurture relationships and especially those with our village this also meant those individuals were no longer going to receive cards or gifts for their birthdays or other important dates. WHY? Because gift giving and celebrating are not mandatory to be in a relationship with someone, especially those that are traumatizing or harmful and only exist because of being biological portals. I am of the belief that if a family member is harmful or refuses to take accountability for their harmful actions, I do not have to remain in relationship with them. In fact, I believe through the practices of transformative justice and ahimsa (in yogic philosophy), I am allowed to ensure I am not experiencing harm under the guise of someone being ‘family’.
More recently due to chronic illness and the need for medical care access and medications, my family and I have had to be in shared space with some of these individuals which I believe has created a false sense of connection and a closer relationship than what actually exists. Some of these family members (they are also elders) felt this has empowered them to ask and question WHY they have not been receiving gifts over the years. After having conversations with the young people and my husband, we discussed whether loving someone or being in relationship with someone requires gift giving. IT DOESN’T. Not only does relationship or proximity due to biology require gift giving, the additional effort it would take from me to remind my husband or children of these individuals important dates would be more work and harmful to me in the way I have been treated. I would be modeling to my children that people are allowed to treat them however they want and they still have to show up and be in relationship because they are “family” or because socially constructed holidays deem necessary to purchase a gift to prove your extension of ‘love’ or care for a person. Yeah, no (insert side eye emoji).
Graphic and quote by @AdultChildPodcast
Winter is one of the seasons where we witness the natural world (we are a part of) remain reserved and to itself. There is not an outward expression of growth, there is no false pretense of producing fruit or flowers known to come out in the spring or summer just because humanity has deemed watermelon necessary in the cold. Winter encourages deep reflection and liberation because there is nothing to distract us (at least after holidays) from being forced to be with ourselves. It’s cold. It’s wet. The days are short and the sun may shine to remind us it is very much present and hasn’t gone away and yet, it is not giving us more than that reminder. Who or what could we be if we utilized the winter to really reflect on how we have been showing up in this world? Have we had lose boundaries? Have we allowed others to play in our faces by continuing cycles of disrespect? Have we been untrue to ourselves by forcing connection or relationship with folks that have been detrimental to our health or growth? In what ways could we course correct and honor our values and create boundaries that protect those values?
In winter, if we are living in cycle with the natural world around us we should do as nature does. Hibernate, yes but also refrain from making any big choices or decisions until we are able to access our direction in spring. While we are nesting and eating foods that ground us into our homes and comfort of closeness with others, we have the opportunity to feel into what we are experiencing. How do we feel when we are providing nurturing meals for our families that does not feel rushed? How do we feel about the things in our space, do they bring us comfort, are they lighthearted and joyful or did we purchase it because thats what the internet and social media have told us to want or desire right now? These reflections offer us a chance to get really clear about who we presently are while acknowledging who and what we really want to be, before Spring arrives and we get active with the steps to support our intentions.
If you haven’t had a moment to reflect or get into your own body to feel into what has or has not worked for you this last year, feel free to join me in a practice of compassion at Yoloha, Because of Love. This class is a gentle yoga class with prompts and juiciness that will allow you to explore the ways you can be compassionate with yourself and allow it to reach those around you. I hope to see you there.