Ride or Die: A Feminist Manifesto For the Well-Being of Black Women- A review and a healing practice
11 minute read. This book review includes various links and a link to being an Amazon Affiliate Associate. As an Amazon associate I may earn a commission from qualifying purchases.
I’m putting on my English hat for this one and my love for hip-hop and sociology because Shanita did the damn thing with this book! I want to give y’all a good book review BUT I’ve got to get a few thoughts together first. First, here is a link to the playlist of songs Shanita used or mentioned in the book, there’s some nostalgia for the hip-hop heads and those us of us that grew up in the 90’s but also an opportunity to re-listen and reflect some of what we may have missed, so check that out. I will also create another playlist of what I think are some honorable mentions of hip-hop that we should reflect on the messaging of, so make sure you are following me on instagram. Oh and before I forget, go ahead and order the book here (don’t forget, I will earn commission from this affiliate link if you order) and if you aren’t interested in ordering via Amazon, you can order here from Charis Bookstore.
Aight so BOOM! Of course, I got the book on a Wednesday after a breath work friend of mine Alicia Christine shared about the interview of the author on The Black Girl Bravado podcast. I listened to the podcast and was SOLD on reading the book. It came Wednesday (with a stack of other books I wanted to read) and after reading the reviews on the back of the book, I decided to crack it open and sneak peak it. Let’s just say, out of the 8 books I ordered, I HAD to read this one first. I knew after reading the first 5 pages, this was going to be a page-turning read I wouldn’t put down until I was finished. With a lot of life happening, I knew I would have it finished before the weekend ended. And CHILE, Dr. Shanita did NOT disappoint.
The author starts off reminding us of the beauty of Blackness and our culture and the intricate ways we create artistry, culture, style and popular culture and a HUGE part of that comes from hip-hop culture. Right in the beginning the author reminds us of the 1999 and ever impactful theme song of being a Ride or Die Chick via the LOX. She reminds us that the anthem for Ride or Die chicks, although from hip-hop culture is modeled throughout the Black community in more ways than one but either way in Black women having to give of themselves in ways that are detrimental to their health and care. It’s NOT just the streets but its engrained in Black church culture too as that praying grandmother or mother’s of the church often called when her prayers are needed or food is asked to be cooked, or sanctuary is in need of cleaning. The author adds, that although these two parallels of the Ride or Die chick may seem different in appearance or aesthetic, “her characteristics are the same.”
And just like that the author reminds us that as much as we could place blame or limit this to solely a concept found in hip-hop, the church has its own version of teaching women to be Ride or Die chicks. No cap, it reminds me of the book, “Lord, I Don’t Want To Die A Christian” by Chandrika Phea where she shares about a Chinese student of hers crying about the discovery of her boyfriend cheating on her and Chandrika being the wholesome minister she is, advising the young lady to focus on becoming a Proverbs 31 woman and being grateful that she found out now that this guy was not worth her efforts than later. Growing up in the church, I cannot tell you the countless times there were whispers of gossip amongst the church of cheating husbands and ministers only for the women to then blame the behavior of these men on either the ‘Jezabel’ woman or how “lowly” the wife looked and did not do her job to make sure his home was clean and dinner was prepared, so of course she would lose her man to someone else. I mean is it really any different than the women in hip-hop that blame women for their cheating men? I’m looking at all the criticism aimed at Da’Naia Jackson after her husband Derrick Jackson was caught cheating on her, yet again. Whether mic dropping or bible toting, the author shares, “Patriarchy in the Black church cannot be divorced from racism in the United States, nor can it be viewed separately from the ways they manifest in hip-hop.” I agree.
Hubbard writes, “Labor as love is consistently our model in Black culture; we internalize it and donate that perspective to those we raise. It becomes a generational burden. When this kind of love paradigm is modeled by our foremothers and forefathers, this becomes the baseline for how we understand romantic relationships. Which is why almost every Black married woman I know works full-time and still handles the majority of the domestic work in the home while the household bills are evenly split. Apparently only bills are gender neutral.” In the racial reckoning of the last few years the cries and echos have been to “listen to Black women’’ and yet the world still thinks it is Black women’s job to save everyone. We see this with the cries for Michelle Obama and even Oprah to run for president, or the #IStandWithStacey except for in the voting booth and we even blame Kanye West’s behavior on the fact his mother died with a collective response of “if Donda was here…” as if she could not even rest in her transition because it was her labor to supervise Kanye and his mouth. Black women will no longer be the world’s mule and we refuse to be it’s savior.
Hubbard layers the foundation of what and who a Ride or Die chick is and examples that Black women and femmes can relate to regardless of our church or street affiliation but she doesn’t stop there. The entire tone of the book is written like having an older cousin , the one that put you on Lil Kim, spilling all the tea on the culture that we both are singing along to and now needing to unpack the impact of. She shares her own personal stories and weaves them poetically just like an MC while maintaining your attention, having you (or maybe just me) saying THIS!! This RIGHT HERE SIS!! And also looking in the mirror of reflecting on the ways in which we too have become book ends upholding patriarchy.
Ya’ll Hubbard slapped me in the face and checked me when she flashbacked to the music genius of Lauryn Hill’s album and words on ‘The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill’. What they meant and still mean to the culture while also pointing out the ways we as women subtly start to created judgement and hierarchies among ourselves merely for the male gaze. She reminded me so much of myself because growing up my father would hand me books by Dr. Cornel West and Marcus Garvey and I too did not realize how much my ideology of what femininity and womanhood was/is based on the male perspective and gaze. When Hubbard said, “I accepted this as standard and never considered how years of exclusively learning about Black womanhood, culture, social justice, and history only filtered through the lens of Black men would shape how defined myself and other Black women in rigid an judgmental terms.”
SEEN. I felt so seen because I could vividly remember times I viewed myself as a better woman for having not gotten on these socials and twerked for the world to see or revealed my sexuality in ways for men to approach me as a thirst trap. Thank Goddess for (lifelong) healing, unpacking and unlearning of the oppressive ways I have socially been conditioned to create my version of Black womanhood from masculine perspectives. And worst of all, this is still happening today with the Kevin Samuels of the world and the single men rushing to remind us how they are high-value men. It is no different being in the health and wellness industry that HEAVILY supports patriarchy by demonstrating femininity ONLY as soft fairies with blush and gold IG Profiles and logos to the Black version of braless, loc’d, sisters with sister wives loving on or caring for one man and his version of nation building. Don’t worry, there’s no more judgment here if it floats your boat, do you boo. I still question if today’s version of femininity is truly because that is what those that identify as women and femmes want to display or is it reverse conditioning of what the patriarchy TELLS us is feminine. Is it us in live action acting out or living out our gendered trauma?
Okay, I could go on and on about the book but just go by it and read it for yourself. NOW, one of my must mentions before I leave you here is the chapter on 4:44. Ya’ll know THIS is where my work lies. As a yoga therapist, teacher, Ayurveda practitioner, yoga teacher and healing guide I use a transformative justice framework. That means my work is deeply entrenched in decolonizing healing by understand the history or context of how we got here in the first place and how can we create conditions not to restore what was broken and caused harming the first place but what conditions we can envision and co-create to ensure no one else experiences that harm again.
Like the author, I believe the only way to get rid of these podcast (I kid but not really) is to heal in communal ways and that calls for vulnerability and accountability. Hubbard writes, “It’s hard to fully heal without a deep inventory of your wounds and having actionable steps implemented by the person who hurt you can help the healing journey. Healed people can help heal people. Not everyone that caused harm in our community needs to be canceled or banished forever. For some there can be a path to restoration, but only the person who was harmed gets to decide what, if anything, that path could look like.” Whew, yeah told you it gets heavy. All that from 4:44? Yup! As I turned the pages I came face to face with old wounds from men that caused me harm in the past and left scars of trauma I have had to unpack and reframe.
One more point and I think this one is really important or I wouldn’t make sure it is added here, in fact I may just move the placement of this because although it is towards the end of the book, I think highlighting the work around it is very important. It is important to me as a healing guide to be able to provide tools for Black folks of various lived experiences and identities and the one that has always terrified me the most to work with is Black folks that are a part of the LGBTQIA+ community. WHY? Because their community rolls hard and deep and there is no slipping and missing accountability, PERIODT. Hubbard shares and I relate to unpacking where and why as a Black woman, my own personal heart doesn’t immediately switch into its normal protective mode when femmes, non-binary and trans woman experience harm. It made complete sense in the ways she shares how the Bible stories in our youth tell us how deeply God hated gays, so much so he destroyed an entire city. From what I remember growing up in the church, although the city was described in a way that would remind you of being in Las Vegas- drugs, gambling, sex, God didn’t destroy the city because of all of that or Lots sex with his daughters, it was because of the sex happening between ‘the gays’.
DAMN! There’s not a day or week that has gone by without there being some form of violence inflicted on folks in the LGBTQIA+ community. My hometown just recently experienced the Club Q shooting, HELLO?! At the same time, the author points out the harms named in hip-hop music by our favorites DMX, Eminiem, DaBaby that inflict harm on Black women of the LGBTQIA+ community and because we (Black women) collectively say nothing we too cause harm. Sorry, really isn’t enough to undo the harm that is caused. I personally find myself conflicted in my own womanhood when I feel unsafe and unseen as a woman, especially a Black woman and then witness folks putting on character of (often) Black womanhood and rewarded for their bravery. It hurts, its nuanced and yet I am still committed to being in relationship with folks in my community that happen identify as a part of the LGBTQIA+ community and willing to teach and educate me.