Transformation Yoga has Transformed
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Song: Growth by India Arie (Voyage to India)
In the lyrics of Chris Brown, there’s never a right time to say goodbye so before you get too far along, let me just remind you this is not as much of a good-bye as it is a see you in the glow up.
When I began Transformation Yoga (December 2015) it was because I knew I was returning back to the mainland after having lived in Hawaii on the island of O’ahu for 4 years and was finally ready to share the gift of yoga with others. But if I am honest, at that point I had a strong yoga practice for 11 years and still would frequently be the only Black woman practicing yoga in many spaces. Charleston, SC had 2 yoga studios/schools and not a single one of them ever made it feel like a place I could belong and practice in. The various teachers I met in Charleston seemed to have either extremely dogmatic teachings or other personal biases that made my Blackness appear as a problem showing up in practice, so I didn’t.
When I knew for sure I was moving back to South Carolina, I knew the space for me did not exist and I would have to create it. Why? Because I called the 33 studios that were listed and only 1 even responded to my interest in teaching. There had to be a place where my Blackness, my motherhood, my Veteran, my bigger bodied self, my trauma could show up wholly and I would not be asked to leave out parts of myself that made others feel uncomfortable. So in a sense Transformation Yoga was created for yogi misfits. The yogis that didn’t have the clothes, didn’t travel overseas for retreats, may or may not have the expendable income to a studio membership or ever visited Wanderlust festival but at the same time needed these liberatory practices, philosophies and spaces to be whole in a world created to tell us otherwise.
Transformation Yoga was birthed to stand out and say WE are here and our healing may show up differently but it is just as deeply spiritual as other sacred practices and IN FACT, our ancestors been doing and leading deeply embodied practices. Even looking to yoga or yoga studio marketing, in most yoga spaces the logo is light, clear, clean and includes a lotus, om symbol or even Ganesha. Although I am conflicted with the nuance of modern day yoga marketing, I knew I also did not want to participate in cultural appropriation. What does feel aligned is within Black American culture, graffiti is often seen as disruptive, messy and rarely if ever as an art form- well, unless you are Patch Whiskey in Charleston or Banksy. Graffiti as it was created was never meant to be soft or gentle. Much like the practice of yoga is not meant to appease folks that are or were just interested in the look of yoga or demonstrate their flexibility. Yoga STILL is not a practice of how advanced one can be in a posture displayed on social media (yeah, I know despite how intricate your fav accounts can contort their bodies). Yoga is a practice of aligning your mind, body and soul with that of your higher self and those in the world around you- being liberated from the conditions of this world, this society and its conditioning.
When we begin a yoga practice, we may encounter many highs and lows. There are many times we fall in and out of postures. There are times we love a long or deep hold and others where we would rather do anything but specific postures because the way they challenge us or remind us that our bodies no longer move or exist in the ways they did before. And then we realize that we have been transformed by this practice in ways that could never physically show up in this world- but do in our hearts and minds. We have transformed. In the beginning of Transformation Yoga, the signature slogan was to be transformed by renewing our minds, a summary of Romans 12: 2 KJV. As I continued to grow, learn and transform in my practice, Transformation Yoga shifted, grew and changed too and it was evident in 2016 and moving forward that in order to really and I mean really address the liberation and healing for people that looked like me needed, we had to unpack and unlearn the ways we have been conditioned and colonized to show up in this world. We had to acknowledge and heal the ways in which we have internalized and perpetuated white supremacy, via racism, sexism, ableism, classism and gender.
Transformation Yoga has stood for and symbolized everything it was meant to be in the world. It has connected these philosophies and liberation practices with organizers and activist, it has held containers and spaces for Black people of color to have a space all their own where their wholeness could exist AND we could be in community with each other. It has held space for community programs, events, festivals and more. It has always centered and uplifted the essential lived experience of Black people that have been marginalized, excluded, underrepresented and underserved. And it has held ME before I was ready to accept and acknowledge my own voice, power and work in this world. This work of connecting with others, creating communal spaces, speaking truth to power when it comes to Black people and our healing began with the practice of yoga guiding me to find and connect with what my own soul was also seeking.
As 2020 unfolded we opened our doors to our first brick and mortar space because we knew it was time for our work to have a home. A home where we could seek refuge if needed, find resources and connections within the community and communal care. And then the pandemic happened and in isolated spaces we witnessed the murders of our siblings, Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, and George Floyd. Like the many murders of Black people and bodies we knew our work would not only continue through the pandemic but it would be even more needed now. So we continued to hold space and even create a pathway for Black Mental Health care as self-care because we knew many of the Black people showing up in our spaces would need more than our scope of practice could provide. We used our platform and reach to educate this awakening happening across the country to how Black people are marginalized and excluded from yoga and workout spaces. We held virtual space for caregivers and educators, studio owners and yoga teachers and somehow managed to still care for our team while expanding our offerings.
If you’ve interacted with me for any amount of time, you know I will not speak about what I am unwilling to be about. As we moved into 2021, it was important to me that as our team expanded we were able to care for each other and walk our talk. I deeply desired to honor our teachers by uplifting their work and schedules while paying them better wages and as much of that shifted, many of our teachers had to honor their path by heading in a different direction with their work. I too had to acknowledge the wisdom that was coming forth in my practice, I was not well.
“Then Arjuna spoke: Krishna, you say that equanimity of mind is Yoga. But I do not see how that is possible, because the mind by nature is constantly changing.” Bhagavad Gita 6.33
Ya’ll I could blame a number of things. The pandemic. People. Community. Location. The lack of funding for small Black owned business even pre-pandemic. But I really needed my practice to hold me like it had so many times before and make space for whatever needed to come up and be addressed. And I didn’t like it. Could I have kept our physical studio location, yes. Could I continue to live in the idea fantasy that as a Black owned business, I was downtown in the tourism district with a physical location and a feasible rent? Yes. AND I could also acknowledge and hold that the continued support needed to maintain and hold a physical location was dwindling in the wave of performative wokeness. I had to sit with myself and remember the reason for starting this business in the first place and the truth of it being, it was never to center whiteness or the ways dominant culture demands for us to show up. Hell, the practice of ahimsa reminds us to practice non-harming, this could be of others, plants, nature, the world around us but first and foremost, it had to be for me. I was harming myself by trying to hold onto the attachments of a location and it was a harm I was unwilling to keep up.
“To destroy the pain means to uncover your Yoga, which means ease.” Bhagavad Gita
I surrendered. One of the sacred texts of yoga philosophy is the Bhagavad Gita (you should DEFINITIELY read it if you haven’t) and within its text shares, “to destroy the pain means to uncover your Yoga, which means ease.” I had to recommit to my practice and part of the practice being non-attachment and even in the discomfort of the posture, ease. In my desire and commitment to birth what Transformation Yoga came to be and was known for was at its essence, how I shared yoga in the world. The name and reputation of Transformation Yoga and all it stood for, I had attached to myself. I was defensive when through the grapevine people in the yoga and wellness community began to whisper of our demise. I was upset when I witnessed other teachers, studios and primarily white studios and teachers appropriate my wisdom and work without as much of a head nod in my direction of the ways in which I was able to encourage a deepening of their practice to include others that didn’t show up as they did or that would be EXPECTED to be yogis. And not only did I need to surrender but I also needed to OWN what I was able to do and create. Making a larger impact that could teach for a nature conservatory and walk into a jail or prison known for stripping away liberation with this practice is HUGE. People may or may not have LOVED the practice of yoga after having an experience in one of my classes or interactions, but one thing for sure was true and that was people came to love the pillars of who and what Transformation Yoga was because Transformation Yoga was ME.
I finally am okay with being seen, being witnessed, knowing that I came into this world to make an impact and whether you had ever taken a class with me or not, it was understood that I live out Transformation Yoga daily. I live my yoga practice and the ways it leads to complete and total alignment for my and my family’s lives. Although Transformation Yoga will no longer exist as its own separate entity, it will continue because it was an extension of me and one that is ever shape shifting, changing and transforming. Its of ease. What is NEW is, I will be leading smaller intimate groups and conversations surrounding the decolonial healing of Black people and all of the nuances and aspects it entails. This work is shifting with me as it has not only transformed me but allows me to show up for my family in the ways that feel most important and aligned with my values, heart and how I want to show up in this world. So, I am extending an invitation to you, to follow me and this continued work in my soul of sharing healing practices as tools for liberation and communal care.