Wrapping Up Receipts

Photo Credit: @eyeforebony

I hope what I have been sharing from several of my experiences have reminded you of the times or experiences you may have had in which you gave your power away or allowed others to guide you away from your own spirit of discernment. You know what you know and even if you do not know why or how you know what you know, that wisdom is there for you. Before I wrapped up these receipts, I wanted to touch quickly on what I believe is sometimes the first time or experience we have with abandoning ourselves, or our truth and experiencing what may be our first experience of harm at the hands of those we call parents or guardians. Before briefly touching on this topic, which I will definitely revisit when discussing both the mother wound and the father wound, I want to remind you that no matter what your current relationship is like with your parents or guardians whether biological or adoptive (in all sense of the word) you can go back and believe yourself. You can engage your spirit of discernment even now.

For many of us, it is difficult to use a spirit of discernment because we were raised in homes where we were often not allowed to express ourselves and our inner knowing or gut feeling(s) telling us something did not feel safe or right for us. This could be have also led to or supported abuse we experienced. As I write this, this is not lost on me and I want to affirm that this is NOT your fault and in no way are or were you deserving of your experience.

I personally have not experienced it but have had friends that have experienced additional harm in spiritual and/or wellness spaces after being told they have “called these experiences into their lives” or “attracted negative energy from people that would cause the harm they experienced.” You did NOT ask for it, earn it, or call it into your life. Many of our elders or guardians were entrusted (by others and us in our child-like minds) to protect us and keep us safe and we may have experienced harm or trauma by doing what we were told verses what we knew we felt was right for us. Many of us have developed a distrust for ourselves and trusting that we know what is best for us and what feels right for us because our parents or guardians enforced control and follower-ship instead of empowering us to trust ourselves. When we end up experiencing harm or trauma at the hands of our guardians we create a feeling of distrust for them or towards them because we experienced harm. We trusted that these caregivers would provide protection for us.

Oftentimes we even judge them and forget they have their own traumas and may or may not have had someone model that behavior for them. At some point this leads us to close ourselves off to various experiences, people and places because of the repressed traumatic experience, this is the same experience that causes us to not strengthen that spirit of discernment muscle, silence our own voice and not speak up for ourselves. If nothing else, I hope you have been able to find a moment to begin reparenting yourself and healing your connection to your spirit of discernment, your sense of knowing.

Have you had any experiences with NOT using a spirit of discernment? What lessons did you learn about yourself when you did not listen to yourself?