Maybe the Ex-Communicated Will Say Amen?

FYI, this one is long y’all but I don’t want to offer a part 2 quite yet because there is a lot to be unpacked here.

“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” This is one of the first scriptures I remember being taught as a child along with the parable of the prodigal son as reminders that even if/when one strays away from the church or God, they will return and be welcomed home with open arms. Although I never considered myself one of the ones that strayed. Instead remaining a member of the church and organized religion I gained these 5 beliefs that support oppression, this time just via religion.

1. Fear + Trauma.

Everything was fear based, “Don’t steal or you go to hell”, “God is always watching and you’ll go to hell.” I’ve heard others share stories about how purity culture via the church told them they would go to hell for exploring their own bodies or even attempts of unaliving themselves. There was an indoctrination of instilling fear of God and those in authority positions to where many were afraid to speak up for themselves and even “question” God or those in authority positions making themselves “gods”.

This is evident in the amount of sexual abuse and trauma that happens in the church and instead of holding those leaders, priest and teachers accountable, the church institution shuffles them to a new location where a new community of families is introduced, new prey is primed and survivors remain behind having to find ways to heal and repair from the harm they experienced supported by the hands of the church.

2. Distrust of others

Growing up in Christianity as much as folks would say, “judge not least ye be judged.” there was a whole lotta judgement happening and a belief that to be Christ-like meant you had to separate yourself from those that were, secular because they were either for God or against God, there’s no lukewarm. Which also supported the ideology of binary thinking and thought processes.

Being a child and attending public school there were times I wanted badly (like any child) to fit in with other kids. I wanted to openly sing TLC lyrics without being reminded that it was “devils music” and that showing my belly button would be the cause of someone’s sin. At the same time, I was convinced that adults moving through the world and not at church on Sundays were all sinners because they were drunks and in the club Saturday night and that’s why they couldn’t make it to church the next day (yes, in my childlike mind this was my explanation).

I don’t exactly remember what age I was when at some family event, we watched two movies that had a detrimental impact to my “budding” faith. The Crow and Fallen. Outside of that time as a child watching The Crow, I was scared, terrified. I was scared by the scene where people were dying and the older Black woman was singing about going to heaven if/when she died. “Time, is on my side.” I remember that song time stamped in my brain and will not listen to the song again. The other movie was Fallen (yes, with Denzel) in this movie it loosely demonstrated how one “bad” spirit or attitude could jump from one person to another and I recall the religious folks in my life discussing that’s how demons and un-Christlike spirits could easily jump on you, if you aren’t careful and keep away from others that are not of the faith. Needless to say, making too many friends especially outside of those at school or church were not really options because who knew what I would be exposed to.

3. Superiority complex

Belief that one is better than the other. I will never forget Thanksgiving ‘95. My cousin and I along with two other cousins around our age group were going back and forth about who was the “cooler” cousin.

Her: “At least I have a SEGA”

Me: “well at least I have a clean room”,

Them: “well we helped clean her room.”

Me: “Well, at least I have hair!”

Her: “Well, at least I don’t have to dress a certain way.” And before I knew it I retorted the only thing that came to my mind.

Me: “At least I’m not Muslim!”

Y’all, my cousin (if her sister hadn’t have been there) would have probably kicked my ass. She was angry and until high school she and I never engaged again. But as a 8/9 year old, where did I even get that from, that it wasn’t okay to be Muslim or something- anything other than Christian?

It’s not hard to see now and even since 2001, how those of the Islamic faith have been victims of religious based violence and terrorism since September 11th and it did not end with the Bush Presidency. Based on this map, it is not hard to draw the correlation between countries that have been colonized and the belief or religious alignment with Christianity. This thought made me wonder why in the church we were taught that Jesus Christ is “the way, the truth and the light” and denies other “gods” and belief systems and the ultimate goal is conversion via the gift of salvation. These mission trips- or colonization trips are a whole other topic.

4. Consistent condemnation + belief of unworthiness

“Oh Lord, we are not worthy of your grace.” “Where would I be if it weren’t for your grace.” “I am not worthy of your love.”

These are just a few examples of song lyrics I grew up hearing that sounded like pleas to God for help, to reduce or provide strength through the suffering that at the same time would offer praise to God while supporting the “not good enough” and “unworthiness” of man. There were oftentimes in Black culture (I can’t speak for others) where even our parents or grandparents would loosely quote scripture (Romans 12:3) “don’t get to big for your britches” or “don’t think of yourself more highly than you ought to.” So imagine moving into the world as an adult and being told to “go after” your dreams and “be confident” in your skills, talent and values.

These were conflicting messages that oftentimes made it easier to strengthen that voice that lives rent free in the head telling me in the hard moments, the grey clouds of life that I don’t deserve to be happy and perhaps do deserve this kind of condition in life.

5. Internalize misogyny

From telling women they are to be seen and not heard, to women not being allowed to speak in the church or be teachers. Remember that whole my mom cutting her hair thing, yup. All from the church. These are some examples but not the only ones. In this Roe v Wade war era, you can see all across social media women using their religious beliefs to share how they are pro-life, how oftentimes women, non-binary and women presenting bodies are often condemned and blamed for sexual assault, rape and abuse based on purity culture and its beliefs stemming from Christianity.

Story time: I remember going to a friends house for dinner with my kids. She is an American citizen via marriage and well established for herself but she is a native of Cameroon. During this part of my journey I was still very curious about what were Black religious beliefs and practices prior to colonization and the Trans Atlantic Slave Trade. I asked her what were her televisions beliefs before coming to the US and she shared her experience with me (I was granted permission to share).

“In Cameroon, there are many villages that are various tribes and blends of tribes due to the colonization and drawing of “country borders”. Most times health teams come to the villages and offer vaccines, medical supplies, water and even food (you know, basic human needs) but before you are able to receive the care you must be visited by various missionaries. Since everyone from the village cannot attend and stop their day, they send the elder of the tribe or village (most often male) and they listen to what each missionary has to share about their faith and what they have to offer their tribe. It’s not unheard of for family members in one tribe to be converted to one denomination Christianity (Baptist) and of another tribe to be converted to another denomination of Christianity (Episcopal). If the missionary presents that in their denomination women are to serve their husbands and families and they offer food, water and vaccines- the elder may agree to convert the entire tribe to this religious faith.” For her this is how she was converted to Christianity and her husband was converted to Islam.

For me, this was eye opening and made me question even more, would an all loving God want us to withhold basic living needs and life-saving medicine in exchange for “salvation”?

I know this one got super long but if you read this far and want to engage, go over to my instagram and comment there.